Animal Birth Pillows

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

Young Frank Lloyd Wright

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Bond James, Bond."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Cry babies.

The cell phone soother for life.

Baby Piano

My First Camera

A midwife holding a baby

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"That's not how I sat on you."

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"String ... you mean it doesn't have a remote controller to operate it?"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Children's artwork exhibition.

'Hang on a minute: What does 'IVF' mean?!'

"Same old same old. How about you?"