Altar Server Gifts

"It's rose, not pink...Because Jesus rose from the dead. He didn't pink from it."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

Give us a drink that says "we're in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together. We're celebrating. Give us my darling pudding pie's favorite drink. A cinnamon mocha latte with a peppermint lollipop swizzle stick. Excuse me?! That is not my favorite drink ... dear. My favorite drink is a cinnamon mocha latte with a spearmint lollipop swizzle stick ... dear. I am so sorry ... snookums. How could I have possibly been so heartless and thoughtless as to con

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'A cheeky red?'

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

Fast food. Even faster food

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Do you have any catsup?'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

"You owe me five bucks."

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"She'll have a Shirley Temple, and I'll have a Shirley Temple's mother."

"Hi, I'm Pop!"