Alpha Male Humor T-Shirts

'Alpha Males in the biology lab.'

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

Tesseract of the D'Urbervilles.

May all your birthday wishes come true..

"That's just the end of the panel, girl."

"Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool?"

"Young Montague's full of himself."

"Come on, we all know you're the new Alpha Male: No need to rub it in by wearing a badge..."

Human males marking territory.

And make sure my daughter is back by 10pm: You really don't want to see me angry!

"I hate shaking hands with him, he always squeezes as hard as he can!"

"A see through nighty? God who'd want to see you through that?"

'A crack team of scientists searches tirelessly for a cure for baldness.'

'The poll results are clear Sir: Your days as the Alpha Male are numbered...'

"Many of you were confused about the 'Randy's how to be an alpha' lesson from yesterday: 'live like you've got nothing left to lose'."

Alpha Pansy... Grrrrrr

Adult Magician

"Do you believe me now? Look at him — he poured my water bowl on your head, not me. He drew us. He controls everything!"

"I said 'blow job' not 'blow chunks'."

'Watch your step. I happen to know you're an alpha male.'

Uniporn

"Have you a cabernet that will pair well with dysfunction?"

Sykes works in our accounts clearing department...

"Alpha Male."

Please don't tell the cows they are in a cartoon.

North Pole Adult Toy Testing Lab

"To be an alpha male, little buddy, you've got to live like you've got nothing left to lose."

'Firstly Madame, the Green Grocer is across the road and secondly that should explain why your 'bananas' are vibrating...!'

"He was the lifeguard at the gene pool."

Today's alpha-lesson is called "Always Jujutsu the Suspense." If someone says "I've got a great idea" and then pauses to create suspense, that's a power-move. They want you to beg them to continue. The alpha counter-move in this case is simple. Use the suspense-monger's suspense against them: say absolutely nothing.* *This move should never ever be applied in the boudoir.

"Your old boyfriend came by. He wants to patch things up."

"I'm not sure grieving openly is very many. I sure wouldn't want any of the guys in my crocheting group seeing me do it."

"Why don't we call it a draw?"

Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool? That's one of those things you always see an alpha male do: Stand around a pool hall polishing his stick and racking up the balls … sizing up his shot, like he's secretly a geometric wizard who's about to make the whole world line up the way he wants it to with just one whack. Or maybe I should take up darts, where I myself become an extension of the missile I'm launching. Any sport in the bar family works.

Armstrong fired me. I kind of wish I knew why. Who cares why? A real alpha doesn't let himself get fired, little buddy. What you should've done was fire your boss before he had a chance to fire you. That way, thoughts of everything he'd lose would flood his brain and there's a 48.7% chance he'd actually beg you to stay. Isn't that the same number from your book "From Dump-ee to Beg-ee"? Work, romance ... it doesn't matter. All the relationships are the same.