Aloof Analyzer Gifts

"Whay do they think about all day?"

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"Hon, come quick! Mr. Puff has lowered his impenetrable wall of feline indifference, and it probably won't last long!"

Sleepwalker on treadmill

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

'Picasso'

'He's not a 'bad' phone. He's just not a 'smart' phone.'

The real reason the Christmas Truce didn't last.

"And yet, I too am a still life."

"Offside? By a fingertip? It's football not handball!"

'I just have time to make some toast, analyze its particle sizes, its density, its chemisorption...'

Cupid's converge on a bachelor.

"Ralph's over-interpreting the data again."

Lack of Nutrition Information

"I have headaches, stomach, pains, aching muscles, back pains, creaking joints, nausea and dry eyes."

"If they don't leave soon, I'll have to keep ignoring them."

'You don't see many of those drawings made with one continuous line much anymore.'

"One BHK, two baths, and sixty three plug points."

"Tarnation, Sagebrush! Who keeps sending me these stupid, mushy Valentines, anyhow?"

Mele Kalikimaka

"Somehow I thought the whole thing would be a lot classier!"

'All your tires HAD plenty of air in them.'

"Uh-oh, I think I hear a lawsuit."

"I'm pretty sure I'm a hypochondriac sucking up scarce resources with my imaginary ailments....but I thought I'd come in and get a second opinion."

Cat Philosophy

"Good God. My wife and my best friend."

'You lost something, didn't you. . . You're looking for something. What is it? Well, you're driving me nuts. I'm going shopping.'

'Hanking is a hard man to get to know.'