Alley Warrior Gifts

"Payback time."

How Nature Senses a Change in the Weather

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

There were originally four musketeers. He said that the pen is mightier than the sword.

'You seem rather ungrateful Mr. Jenkins. This new drug means you'll never have hayfever again.'

Unconditional Loveseat

"I came here to get in shape, young man! What does me picking up your bar bill have to do with it?"

Allergy Information: May contain traces of nuts, soya, child bones.

"Hoora! I made it through another day!"

"I can't have anything that's a food."

'Bad dog- I said WALKIES!'

"How many more times, you've got hayfever, so no, you can't have any cannabis oil."

"Officer, I'd like to report... a sexual assault. I was at a part, this guy... he attacked me."

'I'll calk that hole as soon as the siege is over.'

"Work with me!"

"How's your lowrider blog going?"

Protecting Nature

"Well, sure, it LOOKS like a straightforward plea to buy our product...but for safety we better run it by the legal department

"Just when you think you've got it all figured out, they hit you with algebra."

"I still call it a custard tart but to be honest, it's a dairy free, soy fructose mix, with no nuts."

"Try not to loft the ball so much.'

Welcome to the real world. What just happened? Where am I? The Mall. The Mall. We've been shopping – in person. Not the kind of shopping where you order things on your phone and have them sent to your house. this is the jungle! And you didn't last five minutes! You were laid out by some geezer hustling to the grocery section to get a special deal on prune juice! E-commerce has made you soft! I've got a scratch on my iPhone.

The Inverted Nose: Genetic engineering's answer to the sniffles.

"Great. Now I have to worry about my weight."

"It's remarkable, Mr. Volmer. You have the clothes of a man half your age!"

'If that's true, if you've really done it, I can say unequivocally, that is indeed...Nothing to sneeze at!'

"You'll get a lot of head injuries but, on the plus side, you won't remember any of them."

"The gluten's back. And it's pissed."

'Unfortunately, Mr.Beckons, your son Dean is very allergic to grass. . .'

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, pollen to pollen, mold to mold..." "He was allergic to everything."

"My day? Don't even get me started!"

'Look - there's the first swallow of summer.'

'I have allergies, so before I can eat you, I need to know if you contain traces of nuts...'

Dear Author: Benign way of saying no. Sincerely, The Editors.

"Dad's allergies kicked in during out special 'man to man' walk...so I learned all about the birds and the sneeze."