Alimony Enthusiast T-Shirts

"It equals out. I pay alimony to Laurie and Denise, and I get alimony from Brenda and Suzanne."

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

"That's unanimous then - we don't know what to do."

'In general, do the right thing.'

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

Got Rationality?

"I'm at that awkward stage between credit card payments and alimony payments."

'Have you considered getting a life-coach?'

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

So all is not rosy in the garden?

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

'The secret to staying in business, Wilson, is making something that's needed. Profit!'

'My parents are out bonding at an annuities seminar. Would you like to leave a message?'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, for whatever that's worth these days.'

Apply to marry multi-marriage failure.

"There's someone here who says she has a word to the wise. Do we have anyone like that?"

'I'm not the sitting tenant, I'm your husband.'

"I love marriage...It's my husband I hate."

"I married for contrast."

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

Gender Symbols

'How do you think I ended up alone on the top of a mountain?'

"I agreed to 'for better' and 'for worse,' but never to 'for mysterious' and 'withholding'."

Equity Table Dance Club

'You're too heavy on metals and too light on equities.'