Alimony Enthusiast Pillows

"It equals out. I pay alimony to Laurie and Denise, and I get alimony from Brenda and Suzanne."

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

"That's unanimous then - we don't know what to do."

'In general, do the right thing.'

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

'...better or worse...better or worse...better or worse...'

"I'm at that awkward stage between credit card payments and alimony payments."

Got Rationality?

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

'Have you considered getting a life-coach?'

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

Kindly readers, our resident counselor, Sadie Cohen, will be answering actual questions sent to her via email. Prepare to get an earful of wisdom! Dr. Sadie, I am in a relationship with a beautiful woman who I wish to marry but am still reeling from my first marriage scares me. How do I get over that fear? Signed, Fearful in Salt Lake City. Fear is a worthless emotion. It doesn't help at all. What you should be feeling is terror. Run for your life.

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

So all is not rosy in the garden?

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

'The secret to staying in business, Wilson, is making something that's needed. Profit!'

'My parents are out bonding at an annuities seminar. Would you like to leave a message?'

"I love marriage...It's my husband I hate."

Apply to marry multi-marriage failure.

Gender Symbols

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, for whatever that's worth these days.'

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

'I'm not the sitting tenant, I'm your husband.'

"There's someone here who says she has a word to the wise. Do we have anyone like that?"

"I married for contrast."

'We haven't been seeing eye-to-eye lately.'

"I want a bigger slice."

'How do you think I ended up alone on the top of a mountain?'

'You're too heavy on metals and too light on equities.'

"An 'Irish divorce' doesn't have quite the same ring to it as a 'Mexican divorce'."