Alien Communicator Gifts

"Take me to your leader."

'We came here because our planet ran out of fossil fuel.'

'I think he wants a piece of you, Mike. Go ahead! Let him have it!'

"3:07 AM fellow earthling!"

'A bathroom!!'

'What luck!'

'What leader? -- we've been traveling 137 light years without a stop -- take us to your WOMEN!'

'It Really IS a Small World.'

"I can take you to my yoga instructor, how about that...?"

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

So you're a mocking bird...

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

I sometimes feel spotted, but I never really feel seen.

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"You don't whisper anymore."

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"Have you tried biting him?"

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

"I think it loves us."

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"If it's a series of patterned clicks, I'm not here."

"So, Danny Boy, what's up in your world?"

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

"Yes, that's the tree with all the squirrels from yesterday. And no, I don't know where they are today."