Airport Life Gifts

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

Rubbish Carousel

'Then put me on the No-Fly list if you can't put me in first class!'

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

Airlines

Airport Security.

'You want a quick read? How about this one: 'Memoirs of an Amnesic'?'

'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

I travelled to get away from it all. All I got away from was my luggage.

Airport

Airport Bored Rooms

Mass Travel

A tourist struggling with loads of luggage

"Hell: The Airport"

"How's my tripping you up?"

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

"Let the epicurean feast commence."

"Did you pack your own bags?"

The International Airline Basketball Tournament

'Jenkins won the health savings award with his suggestion that we have our employee hernia checks done at the airport by TSA agents.'

Gates A-C: Johnson, Davis, Potts, surprise me!

'We'd like to start by boarding anyone with hot food they've been waiting to eat on the plane.'

'You have the right to refuse the body scanner, but then I'll have to pat you down.'

Pirates on holiday.

Delayed Departure and Late Arrivals

"You have luggage? - Oh, we don't do LUGGAGE any more."

Flights suspended snowstorm

'I stopped you so I could find out where you got that great outfit.'

"If you don't get on that plane...there's also the 5:43, then the 9:27, but that's got a layover in Atlanta, then..."

'Do you have a flight that will get us to Gate 2?'

"As a frequent flier, you'll be entitled to stay in our airport lounge for up to a week during delays."

"We're down from 50,000 cases a day to two."