Airport Aficionado Pillows

'Could you maybe fax a copy of this to my radiologist?'

TSA Lines

'There's a fee for each carry on bag, including your bag of potato chips.'

'And of course it's handy for the airport!!.'

Rip-off Cabbie

'Now, that's just great: We're flightless again...'

'Now that we've boarded our first class, priority, gold priority, business class, premium and gold star passengers - is there anyone else left?'

"You have one billion frequent flyer miles. No wonder you list our airport as your business address."

"Would you like fuming or non-fuming?"

"Where aren't you going to?"

"I think that's where he's coming from, mate."

Airport Prices.

"I think you're in the wrong line. You've always got something to say."

Naked man collects his lifes baggage, from the left luggage kiosk.

'You said you'd pre-board unaccompanied miners.'

Braille Pick Up

'Gate 13'

'He's determined to go where his bags go!'

Carrion luggage

UK border controls relaxed.

'I have nothing to declare but my genius!'

British Airways - "Enjoy your flight, sir."

Something To Declare. - "Air safety is a problem and our food is overpriced..."

"Gimme one for the runway, Lou... then I really gotta get to work."

"False alarm. It's just wanderlust."

'Wow, this is the same model we have in school.'

"The speed of travel these days is fantastic. I can get from London to Heathrow in under two hours."

Limerick Airport

"Washington, New York; New York, Boston; Boston, Washington. How was your day?"

Airport Security. Remove Shoes. What do they call the guy in charge of all this airport security? "The TSAR"!

Aeroplane Seats

"It's not what you think. I gave my driver a raise before we flew out."

Fish Boarding

"The security scanner said I have exquisite feet."

"I want an aisle seat in no smoking, lots of fresh air, proper maintenance, no cracks in the fuselage - and none of your frigging bug spray!"