Ailment Analyzer T-Shirts

"I have headaches, stomach, pains, aching muscles, back pains, creaking joints, nausea and dry eyes."

"I'm pretty sure I'm a hypochondriac sucking up scarce resources with my imaginary ailments....but I thought I'd come in and get a second opinion."

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

Always Compatible

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

"He'd make a wonderful main character for a short story, but I wouldn't put up with him for an entire novel."

'Picasso'

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

Dr. Darrin found her peer review process unnerving.

'Okay - Let's crash that bad boy.'

"And yet, I too am a still life."

"I need to relax? Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't you?"

"How is it that Mick Jagger still has the energy to be Mick Jagger, but you're exhausted just from being you."

Field hockey injury? A doctor will see you after the football concussion

Hypnotist - "You are going into a deeeep sleeep"

'An F in English, a C- in history, a D in arithmatic, an A+ in Sex Education!'

'You don't see many of those drawings made with one continuous line much anymore.'

"I used to think I was content, but then I realized I was just an underachiever."

"That's it! I'm giving up TV! Every single show is awesome! So now nothing is worth watching."

"One BHK, two baths, and sixty three plug points."

"I've concluded a meta analysis of the myriad of tests we've run and I think I can say with a certain level of certainty that you are probably screwed...."

'An oral contract is not worth the paper it's written on.'

Rejected resumes.

"Somehow I thought the whole thing would be a lot classier!"

Ernie tries to learn from his mistakes but it's like filling a teacup with a fire hose.

"Good God. My wife and my best friend."

"I finally figured out who you copy."

Royal Wedding Mania

"Is there a doctor in the house...preferably in-network?"

"You know, Dobson has a tremendous sense of responsibility. He might enjoy taking the blame."

Why can't you ever achieve anything like your brother?

'Perhaps the letter grading system needs to be overhauled.'