Aging Population Gifts

Runaway Bride.

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

They try, but those crows can't make noises they used to. The lost caws!

"Why bother?"

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Gary turns 40.

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

Inside One's Memory Bank

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

'I must be reaching that age! I can't get my ozone layer up anymore!'

"I don't know who you are!"

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

'Man...You age great!'

'I'm not in shock, my eyebrows are just receding with my hairline.'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Breast Height Chart

"I'm sending you an interesting article about declining birth rates."

". . . and now it's his memory. Three times on Saturday he asked me what day it was. Or did I already tell you that earlier?"

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.