Aging Jesters Pillows

"I've tried everything. I even gave him a new coat of paint but it was no use... Gary is still rickety and ugly."

"I hate performance review season."

"They want to put up a new cell tower in our neighbourhood?! We don't need more of those radio emission eyesores here! I'm gonna complain... ...as soon as I have better signal strength."

'The good teen-age mime chooses to study for an exam, while the bad one chooses to steal hubcaps.'

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

Pie chart of pub conversations

"You're making a complete ass of yourself, Rodney!"

"Intern? Oh, no. He wandered in from our day care center."

Jeff hated performance reviews.

Pumping up wig in blender.

"...At what point do hemorrhoids become 'just another hobby?'"

'Sorry, kids, I forgot we live in Michigan.'

"Sir, Sparky is here for his 3:00 pm throw."

'How do you like this one?...Inflatable dart board.'

'I ran with them once.'

'He must be the real Santa... He was the only sober guy at the Xmas party!'

Looking for a cool cat.

"I'll have my people call your people."

Work/Life Balance.

The end of the world is at hand: '10... 9... 8... 7...'

'In a minute...'

Turkey Hostage.

"Even though I wasn't making a big salary, I always saved ten percent of my messages."

Still Alive

-

Don't be such a poor loser. You knew this would happen when you lost the Flopsies account !

"It says it's sick and tired of telling me to update my software and if I don't do it right now it's going to explode."

£150,000 Per Annum - Daydreaming again, Foster?

'I think I've found your expiration date.'

"I gave permission for you to Skype my class, not skip it."

'What is he fishing for?'

'Uh-oh, here comes my wife. Just act natural.'

'Sorry, pal - I don't really go for ginger blokes.'