Aging Gracefully Guru Pillows

"I recommend using your third wish to prevent joint pain in later years."

'You've a slipped disc in your back and a slipped everything in your front.'

Ballons Holding Up Breasts.

'There were mitigating circumstances...it was the first time anyone called me 'elderly', I was in a stupor.'

'It wouldn't be so bad if they were pert and perky.'

Balding man at the hairdresser's

'Are you sure you still love me even though I'm old, and everything just hangs now?'

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

If we're getting taller and thinner, and you're getting shorter and fatter, as we get older, shouldn't you be getting younger?'

Hair loss comb.

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.

"That was my son. Seventy-one years old and still sharp as a tack."

"They tell us to walk when we're kids and want to run, but to run when you're old and want to walk!"

"The only thing I notice thinning is my hair."

"Jackson, you've turned into sour vinegar and have to go!"

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

"I knew I'd move south when I got older - I just didn't know my boobs would try to beat me there."

"I can't remember where we're going."

"Mirror, mirror on the wall. . . Oh, never mind. Who am I kidding?!"

'Help me Rhonda I've fallen & I can't get back up.'

'I plucked my gray hair.'

'Ecce homo!'

'Grover, I believe you've reached your expiration date.'

Medical Center. Sign In. "No new patients"? Do I look new to you?

I'm afraid your body is falling apart, Mr. Fusco. The last time I was here you said I had the body of a man half my age. I said you had the body of a man half MY age.

When I was young I worked at being hip, now I hope my hip keeps working.

My agent got me an audition for a part on "The Young and the Restless"! Well, since you're no longer young, I assume you'll be trying out for the part of "restless."

"Cowabunga! Guess whose arthritis just kicked in? Advanced age, mutant ninja turtles"

"We're getting more vulgar with age, something I had not foreseen."

"There comes a point in a man's life when he just has to stop and say, 'O.K., I have hair on my back.'"

"Dad, when did you realize you weren't, you know, exactly studly anymore?"

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"Your contents have shifted."

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."