Age Gracefully Guru Pillows

"Same weight as you were in high school, great....now put the other foot on the scale too!"

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Signs of Aging: Light headedness, shortening, waxy skin, burn out and hot flashes.

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Aging Support Group

An old man exercising with hourglasses

Parts Department

"I noticed a few browns."

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

Aging Problems

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

'You've a slipped disc in your back and a slipped everything in your front.'

'I can't believe I'm pretending to be 55 already...'

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

Don't have a hot flush....

"You're right, they are statins."

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

"Miriam keeps me young."

"Losing your fizz is very common for a man your age."

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

"Lost most of my sight, hearing, teeth and hair. Thank God I still god my driver license."

"It's too late for a nose job and too early for a face-lift."

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

'They want your underwear.'