Agile Project Manager Gifts

Project Managers in Hell

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

Where your mind & battle are los

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

Hollywood Sign Developers

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

In basket-case.

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

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'3 Second Loading Zone.'

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."