Agile Development Gifts

"We only got up to three 'whys' and a 'what the hell'."

Project Manager Showdown

Evolution.

'Can our software do that?'

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

"It seems as if the people taking my software class are getting younger and younger."

"I bet you're curious about what's going on in the R&D Department."

'Help! I'm wired and I can't get up!'

Agility God

'You must be fast, agile and unflappable! Having fun just got serious ponies....welcome to gymkhana!

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"Your job is to build an app that replaces you."

"I wrote this one after my third startup failed. It’s called ‘I Got Yer App Right Here.’"

"After a long day at the office writing business software...Bob loves to relax writing game software."

'I think what we need now is someone called a computer programmer.'

"The results are impressive, but it'll be decades before we can transmit and receive pornography."

'I've got one week to master this program. The boss is threatening to hire an eight year old.'

"I'm glad you felt able to get that off your chest...now could we discuss next year's targets?"

"I think you should hire me for my vast software knowledge. . . and then pay for me to go learn software."

You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it.

"This is System One and I am holding the beta for System Two."

'He's an attorney. He came with the software package, to verify software licensing compliance.'

'When I registered for this class, in computer programming, nobody told me that it's all about converting caffeine into computer code.'

Engineer on the move.

If at first you don't succeed call it version 1.0

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

"Or should it be scrum or kanban???"

'It just doesn't get any beta than this.'

Copyright and copyleft

"...Software upgrade provides a seamless transition from simple functionality to multi-platform confusion, chaos and frustration..."

Population train.

Open Source.

"I've invented a software application for protecting our personal data."

'You want to discuss the glitches in the software I sent you? No, Tuesday's out - how about never - is never okay?'