Ageing Gracefully Guru Gifts

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

Celebrating National No Bra Day

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

An old man exercising with hourglasses

Signs of Aging: Light headedness, shortening, waxy skin, burn out and hot flashes.

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

"We REALLY do get better with age."

Parts Department

"Sitting on a beanbag doesn't take me back to the seventies- it just makes me wonder how I'm ever going to get up again."

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

Aging Problems

"I noticed a few browns."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

'You've a slipped disc in your back and a slipped everything in your front.'

'I can't believe I'm pretending to be 55 already...'

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

Don't have a hot flush....

"You're right, they are statins."

"I come from the future."