Age-related Topics Gifts

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

'Webster, is it just me, or do our new employees seem to be younger every year,'

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who has the best facelift of them all?

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

Meet the author.

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"I was on hormone replacement for two years before I realized I needed Steve replacement."

"That's just the meds kicking in."

"I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. I told them to pipe down."

This house believes that "No Platforming" is not an attack on free speech.

"Outrage online as a group of white kids in MAGA hats accost a native American protester. Just shameful."

'Life is too long not to worry.'

"If I were a dog I'd only be 11."

"...and then we'll clear the blockage by inserting a tiny balloon."

'What are your feelings on the use of dolphins in warzones?'...

"Still scaring kids? Are you kidding? At my age I'm lucky if I can crawl out from under the bed."

'Dave's really over-reacting about turning forty.'

"I thought you must of been drunk last night, when you told everyone your real age."

Man spots a grey hair in his beard

"Working with the elderly requires significant capital investment....ramps, high raise chairs, alarms."

'He's getting old.'

'Mum, you just HAVE to stop lying about your age, otherwise everyone will think that you are younger than me!'

"This really is your last chance Mr Perkins."