Age Explorer Gifts

'You can tell how old someone is by counting their rings.'

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

'I'm serious. If you crave more action, try age-appropriate dating. Sexy women 50 to 75 are an under-served demographic.'

You know you're getting up there in years when your birthday cake requires that extra box of candles....

"Here's the problem, I grabbed the wrong map. This isn't the Fountain of Youth. This is the Fountain of Middle Age."

"Would you want to drink from a fountain of youth?" "I'd settle for a fountain of middle age."

"I must be getting old. I've forgotten why I came down the stairs."

"The closer I get to 50 the more I think it's young."

"We just think he might be a bit on the old side for his new brothers and sisters."

"The best way to tell a woman's age is not to."

"Meeting old relatives...is like peeking into our future."

'I couldn't remember your exact age.'

'I wonder what I'd feel like if I weren't taking vitamins?'

Find your doctor.

'True, he's an old dodderer now, but you should have seen him when he was a young dodderer.'

Retirement Age

'I've decided middle age is hard to determine - it depends on how long you live.'

"Sometimes I feel like Stone Age guy in Bronze Age world."

Highway of Life. No, Ernie, we're on cruise control. It just seems like we're going faster the further we go.

You're only young once but apparently there's no limit on childish. (Published originally on January 15, 2008.)

"Sorry, I don't speak Millennial."

"My father’s 67… but he’s an old 67."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

Albert & Myra - The End Story

"One year closer to college!"

Inside One's Memory Bank

'You've got, like, a Feng Shui problem with your pancreas, dude.'

New Age Store.

"This is not what I meant when I said you needed to practice your play fighting..."

"Trust me, I'm a robot."

"The Internet ate my baby!"

Modern Life Blues