Age-defying Mom Pillows

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

A woman is as young as she feels like admitting to.

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

"Mom said Dad pulled a groin surfing Mendocino. When will he realize he's not 60 anymore?"

"I cranked up the dose a tad. Why should kids have all the fun?"

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

'Just doing the school run.'

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

'Believe me, sweetie, if I thought the 'Wrinkle Out' setting on the clothes dryer would work...'

"Don't worry about being in your 40's - before you know it, you'll be in your 50's!"

"If I become 'Born again', can I fudge a bit on my age?"

Still hip, but not much hop.

'You know you're 40 when...'

'Well if sixty is the new fifty and forty is the new thirty then yes,twenty must be the new ten...'

"Awww! How long have you been married?"

"I'm 92 years old, Larry ... why in the heck would I plant perennials?!"

For mom's birthday, Dylan wanted to surprise her by making breakfast in bed.

Wrong shelf.

"In your case we’ll begin the facelift with an incision behind your right ear and extend it into the waiting room."

Getting older isn't the same as growing up.

'Mum, you just HAVE to stop lying about your age, otherwise everyone will think that you are younger than me!'

Baby Teething.

'I used to be an old fogey, but now I'm post-modern!'

"I want just enough done that my phone will still recognize me."

Mother goosing her young son.

"Enjoy your retirement. I'm sure you will survive all of us. Hahaha, just kidding!"

"I took a viagra before going to the senior citizen's dance, last night, and I couldn't get anyone to come to my place. So there I stood, all dressed up and no place to go!"

"She thinks a cherry tomato makes her look younger, but she's not fooling anyone."

"I didn't mean to imply your laugh lines are funny, Mrs. Carpentier."

"The only way she can still be in her twenties is if her birthday is 29th February!"

"I win!" "You're amazing, grandma."

'Met my sister for lunch the other day. She's actually beginning to show her age. Of course, not her real age.'