Age Appreciates Pillows

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Your contents have shifted."

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

"Why bother?"

"Trust me kiddo, even donkey's years fly by way too fast..."

They try, but those crows can't make noises they used to. The lost caws!

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Gary turns 40.

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

Inside One's Memory Bank

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

'I must be reaching that age! I can't get my ozone layer up anymore!'

"I don't know who you are!"

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

'I'm not in shock, my eyebrows are just receding with my hairline.'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."