Afterlife Pondering Pillows

"Damn! God gave me that pen."

"You faked your death once before—how do I know you're not faking it now?"

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Good game."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

"It's true: no more burpees."

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"I just know he's gonna ask me why I voted for Trump."

'Yeah, I know your idea of heaven is to play golf all day, but all we have is shuffleboard!'

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

'It's sad in a way -- just when he was declaring victory.'

"Only one of my lives was a bowl of cherries."

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

"I know you've been together a long time, but I'm sorry... Your microbiome can't follow you in."

A car's soul escapes as it expires at the meter.

"I thought I'd come back YOUNG!"

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

"You think it's tough down there?"

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

'I know you don't belong here, but if we let you go to Heaven, we couldn't not guarantee your safety.'

'I chose here since heaven won't allow you to take your bonus and golden parachute with you.'

"Are you sure I 'can't take it with me'? I brought some for you."

'Hendrikson is playing his practical joke again!'

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

A man in a little rowboat goes to his grave.

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

Angel sees FIRE EXIT sign on trap door in cloud.

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

Shoptalk

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."