Afterlife Pondering T-Shirts

"Damn! God gave me that pen."

"You faked your death once before—how do I know you're not faking it now?"

'Heaven...Hell...Who cares? You're Jim Morrison.'

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Good game."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"It's true: no more burpees."

"I just know he's gonna ask me why I voted for Trump."

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

'Yeah, I know your idea of heaven is to play golf all day, but all we have is shuffleboard!'

"Only one of my lives was a bowl of cherries."

'It's sad in a way -- just when he was declaring victory.'

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

"I know you've been together a long time, but I'm sorry... Your microbiome can't follow you in."

A car's soul escapes as it expires at the meter.

A man in a little rowboat goes to his grave.

'I know you don't belong here, but if we let you go to Heaven, we couldn't not guarantee your safety.'

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

Dante's Undiscovered Prequels

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

"Are you sure I 'can't take it with me'? I brought some for you."

'Hendrikson is playing his practical joke again!'

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

"You think it's tough down there?"

"I thought I'd come back YOUNG!"

'I chose here since heaven won't allow you to take your bonus and golden parachute with you.'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

Angel sees FIRE EXIT sign on trap door in cloud.