Afterlife Ponderer Pillows

"You had good intentions. Let's find you a nice job paving roads."

'Whenever I complained that my feet were killing me, nobody believed me.'

'Oh, dear! — your baptismal certificate was never notarized!'

'You didn't think you could get away from us that easily, did you?'

'It's all her on your facebook page.'

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

"Ready? It's your bloopers tape."

"How did you hear about us?"

"They're not taking any chances, we have to wait two weeks to get in."

'So what did you die of?' Reply - 'Alcoholism...and you?' Reply - 'Nationalism.'

'Sorry, you can't take it with you...that includes your iphone.'

"Curiosity?"

'The last thing I remember is being dragged to some dumb recital I said I wouldn't be caught dead at!'

'You make 23,725 little mistakes, they never let you forget it.'

'Hey, don't look at me -- I was AGAINST free will.'

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

"If I had it to do over again I definitely wouldn't have been cremated."

Your Good Intentions at Work

'It's a nice place most ways, but it takes forever to accumulate seniority!'

'These days it isn't enough to be qualified in just fire or brimstone. Today you have to be proficient in both.'

'When I die please cremate me and send my ashes to the tax office. Write on the envelope, now you have everything.'

"Halfway through the upload it crashed."

'You know, you're really screwing with my preconceived notions.'

'English?...do...you...speak...ENGLISH?'

"I know you've been together a long time, but I'm sorry... Your microbiome can't follow you in."

'You spent the past 60 years collecting little porcelain figurines. I, for one, thank God you can't take it with you.'

'It's a matter of semantics. What you call a hunting accident, we call Karma...'

'I've led an exemplary life! - when will you let me in?'

"It's God. Are you in?"

'If it's any consolation, we're the worlds foremost meritocracy: no pain, no gain,'

That Was Weird

The Entrance to Limbo...

'Well, of course you're upset ? you should never watch your own autopsy!:

He Took It With Him.

Welcome to celebrity hell.