Afterlife Ironicist Gifts

'I realize that this might be carping but I never did live long enough to enjoy my I.R.A. account.'

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"Call me?"

"You run into a window, too?"

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

A car's soul escapes as it expires at the meter.

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"Sorry, there's no toilet paper or hand sanitizer down here."

'Ha! You moron! How did you manage to use all nine of your lives at once?'

"I don't think so."

Special Place in Hell...

"I'll have whatever they're having."

"Posthumously yours."

"Johnson's selling ad space in the tunnel of light."

"I just reviewed your life...Here's your handbasket."

'I really hope that Fred makes the most of it until she joins him for the rest of eternity!'

Why it takes longer for lawyers to get in: 'This would go a lot faster if you'd stop saying, 'alleged'...'

"Ready? It's your bloopers tape."

A stranger in paradise.

"Have you been feeling all right, Ed?"

Tombstone: I told you I was sick!

"I hear they're desperate for new users."

"...and tell him it's fairly urgent."

Pearly Gates Queue

"Wow, I wish I'd thought of that! My last words were pretty naf."

"Wait, there you are. I was spelling it wrong."

Welcome to Heaven

'You ask him to sing. I don't speak Italian.'

"Nope, wrong password. You've got two more tries..."

"Boring up here isn't it...?"

IIt isn't so bad. I feel about how I used to after watching TV all day.'

Heaven on the Phone to Hell - 'We've got Sky.'

"I was always afraid to read it before."