Affluence Humor Lover Gifts

'House arrest? Should I use the one in France, Bermuda, or Spain?'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"Oooh, I know what I want to be when I grow up: Retired!"

Jumping Wall Street.

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

'Eureka! I found the gene that causes people to sell low and buy high!'

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

God bless our home equity line of credit.

In case of falling markets break glass.

"Cook the books al dente so the auditor will have a little something to crunch."

"The interest rate can't go any lower, so if necessary, we'll have to go back to pounds of flesh."

Federal Guidelines

'We don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's a tax deduction.'

'Greece is up for auction on eBay - and there's no bidders.'

"Let us pray for the possessed...and the re-possessed"

"At least we no longer have the pressure of handling so much money."

"It's part of a deal I worked out with the I.R.S."

'Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing.'

"He was expecting a golden handshake."

'It's a bill collector!'

Caution: Falling Businessmen - A Sign of the Times

Home 'Submerged' Home! (Home value less than mortgage).

"It may well be the root of all evil, but it's also the root of all this."

Friendly banks and Cold and aloof banks.

'Hector owes us money ...'

'Money isn't everything...but it should be.'

'You've been approved for your loan, Mr. Root. We'd like to hold your nuts as collateral.'

'The Bishop called - he'd like to see a copy of that sermon you gave last Sunday.'

Bad end-of-year figures

'Great cash flow, Phil.'

Modern Art - 'Bull' graph going up / 'Bear' graph going down

American's Funniest Tax Decuctions

US economy health.

"How can we cut costs on Mars vehicles?"