Affectionate Academic Pillows

"I know where we stand right now, Dr. Heisenberg, but where are we going?"

Scarcity

Scientists are sexy

Paint pots in love

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

Love

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"Do you have to do that even when it's not Valentine's Day?"

Max Weber

Can you translate that to simple-minded!

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'

'He was very big in Vienna.'

"Oh, my, I can tell—everybody in there has read Barbara Tuchman."

Mum Hearts.

There are two schools of thought. But they are spelled differently. And one of them is wrong.

Cambridge Dons Researching Gravity.

'If it makes you feel any better, I gave the kid you copied from the same grade.'

I hear you're preaching godlessness, you little heathen. I'm preaching intellectual honesty. There is no proof of a Judeo Christian almighty. You might as well believe in Zeus or the spiritual powers of a raisin scone. Where do you think morality comes from? What do you think is the basis for our civil society? The almighty! All hail the raisin scone! HOJ.

"I have to read this disclaimer: Any opinions expressed in this course belong to the professor and do not necessarily mean the university is left-wing."

'That's it?'

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

Emile Durkheim

"These days, professor it's "T.V. punditry or perish.""

We get it, Simone. You went to obedience grad school. Be cognizant of the canis familiaris.

Let me guess...you peed on your homework again!

Valentine's Day Kiss

"Honey! Remember when we first met and you used to nibble my ear?"

"They all failed?! What on earth was the question?" "How do you fund a university?"

'Do you, Tenured, take this, Untenured, through sickness and health, to have and to hold from this day forward?'

"School is loverly this time of year."

'You need to get your grades up...because good grades are an early sign of good credit scores.'

My valentine