Prestigious Academia Admirer Pillows

Harvard, Princeton, Yale, And Your Kids. . . ?

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

Scientists are sexy

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

Can you translate that to simple-minded!

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

'He was very big in Vienna.'

A statue dedicated to "The Unknown Academic Infighter" stands outside a college campus.

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

The Milbrook Verney chair in literature. The C.K. Frebish endowment for footnotes.

"I know where we stand right now, Dr. Heisenberg, but where are we going?"

There are two schools of thought. But they are spelled differently. And one of them is wrong.

Forrest Gander

'What I don't understand, is how a guy named Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart stayed out of fights long enough to compose any music.'

'You've spent the last 20 years in college. What made you stop hiding from the real world?'

'...then I got my masters in psychology, and a year later I earned my Ph.D. in sociology. By the time I get my master in math and my doctorate in history, I'll be ready to retire.'

" 'How I Spent My Sabbatical,' by Professor Harvey Brinkman."

"I have to read this disclaimer: Any opinions expressed in this course belong to the professor and do not necessarily mean the university is left-wing."

Cambridge Dons disagree about the meaning of life.

Wilhelm Dilthey

Let me guess...you peed on your homework again!

"I'm very proud of the grade A's, son, but what about these grade B smalls?"

The Three Doctors.

"If you insist on giving me a gift for being accepted into Oxford, I could use a new DVD player...gift wrapped in a BMW."

"They all failed?! What on earth was the question?" "How do you fund a university?"

"We just want you to know that wherever you wind up going to college is fine with us, as long as it's someplace we can brag about to our friends."

"Next on... Auto Mechanic M.D. Your knees are shot, so I'm going to try injecting some grease. If that doesn't work, I'll make you new knees from some shock absorbers."

Harvard Waiting List

'You need to get your grades up...because good grades are an early sign of good credit scores.'

Sherlock Holmes gets back at Professor Moriarty through reduced research funding.

'She didn't want to go out with you even though you told her you had a h-index of 37! Boy I don't understand women!'

Oxford tour guides

Franz Oppenheimer

The Tetterbys

Karl Marks