Advice Show Listener Pillows

"Ask Sadie Advice Hour," what's your problem?! The other day, my grandpa tried driving to the corner store but got lost and ended up at the beach, six states away. How do I get him to realize it's time to stop driving without hurting his feelings? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time in 1863 when Grandpappy Cohen accidentally led a caravan of zoo-bound pelicans onto a field at Gettysburg. One particularly panicky pelican escaped and distracted General Lee, and the rest is history. Um ..

Audio Books

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"I need him to stop think and start listening."

'I know one of my shoulders is lower than the other. It's because my father's guiding hand is always on that shoulder.'

I can hear a podcast of yesterday's sea.

"Listen to me, Nathan. Chicks love bad boys."

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

'I took your advice and told him either I get a raise or I quit!'

"I suppose we should start with listening skills!"

'You are doing it wrong.'

Constructive Criticism 50c.

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

Dr. Kapuchnik, I notice that you've been quoting Dr. Phil a lot lately. That's because I'm hoping that if he sees me sucking up to him in the comics, he'll bankroll the TV-show proposal I sent to his production company, Gasbag Enterprises.

"Did you hear Sadie's show today?"

Do you go for Hannity or O'Reilly? Tough call. O'Reilly's presence is so big, fearless. Whereas Hannity has a wicked fast tongue and such inner strength. As symbolized externally by his jawline. O'Reilly is so tall. Something strange is happening. Coulter's a bit masculine for my tastes. Ditto. HOJ.

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

"I've been invited to two different thanksgivings...One with family, one with friends, which one do I go to?"

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

Which Hogwarts house are you?

'There you go again - trying to solve my problems. I am not asking you to do that. I just want you to listen to me.'

"Go ahead. Tell me your troubles. I promise to say 'Awww' in all the right places."

'If you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice.'

How to get on talk shows by promoting your new book

Psychiatrist with bartending diploma

I'm the bluebird of happiness, and I'm on a book tour. Make Your Own Happiness.

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

Jerry Springer