Advertising Artist Gifts

"We have a steak in your future"

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'How fast can you hype?'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

The Solar System (after deregulation)

What can I do? He says it's his thinking cap.

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

This Message Has No Content

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

Lethal Presentation

Create some buzz!

'If only every year was an election year.'

If nobody had invented graphics

Creative department

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"Technically he's a zombie but we'll market him as a hybrid."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

The Alpha Seltzer

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Important Food Groups

"Sarah's grades are excellent. She got A+ in 'Yogi Berra: Philosopher or Fall Guy?,' A in 'Dollars and Scents: An Analysis of Post-Vietnam Perfume Advertising,' A in 'The Final Four as Last Judgment: The N.C.A.A. Tournament from a Religious Perspective,'

Jewellery Shop: Disposable income spoken here.

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

Pity vs. Bragging and Public Relations