Advertising Artist Gifts

"We have a steak in your future"

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'How fast can you hype?'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

What can I do? He says it's his thinking cap.

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

This Message Has No Content

'As our new company logo, I'm not quite sure it's sending out the right message.'

Lethal Presentation

Create some buzz!

'If only every year was an election year.'

If nobody had invented graphics

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

Creative department

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

"Technically he's a zombie but we'll market him as a hybrid."

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Pity vs. Bragging and Public Relations

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

Important Food Groups

"Sarah's grades are excellent. She got A+ in 'Yogi Berra: Philosopher or Fall Guy?,' A in 'Dollars and Scents: An Analysis of Post-Vietnam Perfume Advertising,' A in 'The Final Four as Last Judgment: The N.C.A.A. Tournament from a Religious Perspective,'

The Alpha Seltzer