Advanced Ager Pillows

"You're this age and never had surgery? Aren't you curious?"

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"Remember, you're only as old as your peel."

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

Breast Height Chart

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

Aging Support Group

'I'm fighting ageing.'

Pre-Old Blues

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

"I'm with grandad now - yeah, he's fighting fit."

'They want your underwear.'

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

Baldness Facts

'Webster, is it just me, or do our new employees seem to be younger every year,'

This morning I found a thin hair growing out of my knuckle. And so it ends. Your virility, your potential, your conviction, your magnetism, your youth itself

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

Sir Isaac Newton Sucks!

'You're perfectly fit and healthy...but at your age...seriously, what's the point?'

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

"I'm not worrying. I've got most of my money in handbaskets."

"You don't have OCD or ADD. You have OLD."

Middle-aged people spend a lot of time looking for things that they have 'lost'.....

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

Middle Age Spread.

Elderly lady about elderly man: 'We met in ICU. We had a rheumatic encounter.'

Home for Seniors.

"It's male pattern osteoporosis."