Adulting Cynics Pillows

"The trouble with children is they don't act like adults."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'I'm still employed, but to save on utility costs, they offshored me.'

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

Famous Oxymorons...

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

'You've got bad news? Hey, that's good news!'

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

'Let's face it, we're nothing but a puppet government.'

No more bribes - today.

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

'It's a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing...and that wraps up today's news...'

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

'Our government is comprised of three branches - politicians, lobbyists, and the media.'

Information and Still don't get it.

'The following program may not be suitable for those of you who are sick and tired of politics....'

'These are fine, but what's in it for me?'