Adulting Cynics Pillows

"The trouble with children is they don't act like adults."

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'I'm still employed, but to save on utility costs, they offshored me.'

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

Famous Oxymorons...

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

'You've got bad news? Hey, that's good news!'

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

Bush vs. America

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

'Let's face it, we're nothing but a puppet government.'

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

If there's one thing I've learned, it's this: Never trust someone who tries to sell you nine life insurance policies.

"Man, I'm sooooo bored!"

Sucking Up to Gen X

No more bribes - today.

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

'It's a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing...and that wraps up today's news...'

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

'Our government is comprised of three branches - politicians, lobbyists, and the media.'

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

Information and Still don't get it.

'These are fine, but what's in it for me?'

'The following program may not be suitable for those of you who are sick and tired of politics....'