Adolescent Wrangler Pillows

'You told me to put away the groceries.'

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

The Baby Walker

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

'I was just playing rodeo and breaking horses.'

'Do you think he's ready for the big round-up?'

"We've decided your suggestion to have a day care center here at work has merit."

'Lion Tamer experience hey? Well, I have a project currently needing your management skills...'

"I don't care how good he is. Ain't nobody can get a short on Jeffrey."

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

"No more diapers. Simply lift the lid and go here."

'I'm lost, did you happen to see a lady without a boy like me ?'

"Never mind Benjamin – he just lawyers-up to get attention."

"Mom, can you come get me?"

'Whatever surprise he's cooking up for you, I'm sure you've a good sense of humour!'

"Kid gloves, Hernandez. You gotta use kid gloves!"

"I'm so good at this!"

"I'll be a bit late... sorry."

'It's not scatting if they're under age two.'

'Here comes the Papa-razzi again...'

'We're the parents. What we say goes. . . In one ear and out the other.'

"Where's your nose?"

"This is System One and I am holding the beta for System Two."

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

Parenting Business Deals

'Beware of the teenager.'

"I'm an expert in crisis management, I've got three daughters!"

"They say you're as smart as a 2-year-old child? As a 2-year-old...I don't see it!"

The First Day Back

'It's your babysitter, where do you keep your fire extinguisher?'

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

Quiet Time

Nanny with children on leash