Additive Analyst Gifts

"Apparently, some of the additives cause a nerve disorder, but others cure it."

"I hate performance review season."

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."

'This boy you call my son doesn't care about investments, economy and money. I want a DNA test.'

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"But but ... if we remove all the additives there'll be nothing left!"

'We're quite confident this lull won't last long.'

Tonight 'Richard III' a new play by William Shakespeare.

Brilliant suggestion Kimble, to get rid of all the deadwood around here - we'll miss you.

Overdraft limit.

"That's a new side effect of our mission to keep things together."

'What I'm challenging this group to do, then, is to redirect our shared passion for the idea of making money into actually making money!'

"Ah! dehydrogenated non-milk fat solids with a soupcon of deoxyhydropesane and sweetners...just like mum used to make."

"As an expert in loyalty, Fido will create an emotional bond with each customer."

"Siblings? yes, I'm one of seven."

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

The Human Condition

It turns out people aren't buying our product because it's stupid.

'The company is losing millions and the press are asking questions. Gentlemen,we're looking for a scapegoat.'

"He claims he does the work of two employees."

"As you can see, hands are about to hit peak dryness, so we're predicting record lotion sales for next quarter."

'Fortunately, our decline was slowed here when the marker ran dry.'

'I'm worried that if I study too hard, I couldn end up being a teacher.'

'Surround our project with lots of useless extras so our critics have something to pick at while we ram our proposals through.'

'Don't say I didn't warn you. The rising tide of consumer indifference is finally catching up with us.'

"Freeze! We're taking a look at your additives, preservatives, artificial coloring..."

"An economic downturn has forced one company to become leaner and meaner! Even shutting down the office rumour mill, and throwing 27 people out of work!"

“What we have here is an old moral compass. How did it come into your possession?”

Think Tank, we are looking to hire 'free thinkers' because our budget has been cut.

'Babies are tough customers. Sure, they smile a lot, but usually it's just gas.'

'Sometimes late at night I'm not sure the leading economic indicators know where they're going,'

The Relentlessly Jovial & Obnoxious Sales-People.