Ad Whisperers Gifts

'Our poll shows the typical advertising viewer is all 'targeted' out.'

Opening the door to new customers

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

"He's from IT. All I did was tell him I thought he was doing a great job... and he fainted in shock!"

'Now go out there and sell yourself!'

'We need to target the rich and stupid.'

"Your mom's not protesting sex and violence on TV...she's taking a stand against those early Christmas ads..."

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

"Our brand is about talking about our brand."

"Finally, a co-worker who CAN handle Big data!"

we wanted to get rid of all the 'superbugs' but they were the only one's who understood the new it system

'Stay on all fours. That way you can pounce on new consumer wants.'

"Like Facebook, I have also changed our company name so that it will be more clear and transparent to our customers who we are and what we do."

Brad seizes upon a hot trend in marketing: personal pop-up ads.

"I'm getting subtle hints of what the Fed might do."

'Excellent! Our tests confirm that the average shareholder falls asleep by page 9 of the 10-K. Place the notice of the IRS audit on page 10.'

'I'm trading futures in green sheets.'

Information might travel at the speed of light, but the news still travels at the speed of sound bites.

'My Turing Machine doesn't understand me.'

"Yeah, I've been radio-tagged by scientists, so once a week, out of spite, I do something irrational just to mess up their data..."

"My hunch is heads will roll."

"He fights me when I tell him to take a nap. When I reword it and say go reboot, he doesn't have a problem."

'I've got an idea. Why don't we just tack on the word 'natural' to our pesticide sprays?'

Advertising Agency - "Phew! Fooling some of the people all the time is hard work."

'They say the secret to public speaking is to pick out one person in the audience and talk to him.' 'Well, did you?' 'Yeah. Unfortunately the person I picked out was snickering, pointing and whispering to the guy next to him.'

"Need help with your computer project? I have 2 teens at home."

-Yipee! He's well out in front! -You do realize they're only going down to the start!

"Retail shares just went up ten percent. My wife must have gone shopping this morning!"

There's some guy in the caf

"Mum, you've put it on mute with sub-titles!"

Bureau of Rosy Statistics

"Which swoosh best describes our corporate philosophy?"

'Please stop talking to the media, Doctor. It's my job to make any rash statements.'