Ad Whisperers Pillows

'Our poll shows the typical advertising viewer is all 'targeted' out.'

Opening the door to new customers

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

"He's from IT. All I did was tell him I thought he was doing a great job... and he fainted in shock!"

'Now go out there and sell yourself!'

'We need to target the rich and stupid.'

"Your mom's not protesting sex and violence on TV...she's taking a stand against those early Christmas ads..."

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

"Finally, a co-worker who CAN handle Big data!"

"Our brand is about talking about our brand."

we wanted to get rid of all the 'superbugs' but they were the only one's who understood the new it system

'Stay on all fours. That way you can pounce on new consumer wants.'

"I'm getting subtle hints of what the Fed might do."

'Excellent! Our tests confirm that the average shareholder falls asleep by page 9 of the 10-K. Place the notice of the IRS audit on page 10.'

"Yeah, I've been radio-tagged by scientists, so once a week, out of spite, I do something irrational just to mess up their data..."

"My hunch is heads will roll."

'My Turing Machine doesn't understand me.'

"He fights me when I tell him to take a nap. When I reword it and say go reboot, he doesn't have a problem."

'I'm trading futures in green sheets.'

'I've got an idea. Why don't we just tack on the word 'natural' to our pesticide sprays?'

Advertising Agency - "Phew! Fooling some of the people all the time is hard work."

'They say the secret to public speaking is to pick out one person in the audience and talk to him.' 'Well, did you?' 'Yeah. Unfortunately the person I picked out was snickering, pointing and whispering to the guy next to him.'

"Need help with your computer project? I have 2 teens at home."

"Retail shares just went up ten percent. My wife must have gone shopping this morning!"

-Yipee! He's well out in front! -You do realize they're only going down to the start!

Bureau of Rosy Statistics

"Mum, you've put it on mute with sub-titles!"

"Which swoosh best describes our corporate philosophy?"

'It was such a nice salesman who told me that this is a special bargain and all your friends will envy you when you use it as a bottle opener!'

'Please stop talking to the media, Doctor. It's my job to make any rash statements.'