Acquisitions Manager Gifts

'To enable them to provide the service we require the procurement team have submitted a request for seven wands, a crystal ball and a time machine...'

Biblical Procurement Tales: Project Ark.

'...so you need us to slow time, break the law and perform three miracles...by next Tuesday. You need to dial extension 101 and ask for the Wizard of Oz!'

'Our acquisitions department accidentally took over a third world country.'

"This is Murchison's office. He took over Acquisitions early in the third quarter."

"Well, it looks like the merger is off."

"What if he's bluffing? What if he's not? What if the room just gets too hot?"

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

Fish and color

'Uh - oh... this looks like an unfriendly takeover!'

"Cheer up, if this carries on we could become a very attractive takeover target.

'I'll be honest with you. The pay isn't great.'

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

"So far it doesn't look like a hostile takeover."

"I believe he was the victim of a hostile takeover."

'There's a gentleman out here with $643 million. He would like to discuss a takeover.'

'I believe in aggressive mergers, Celia.'

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

"I gotta admit, he's one hell of a negotiator."

How Many It Takes

'It's okay if don't want to give us control of your company. We're perfectly capable of living with incredible disappointment.'

'A hostile takeover just wasn't feasible, so we agreed to a hostile merger.'

'You may have three mergers.'

Okay, let's see...who's on tap to update our progress with that hostile takeover?

Tata: Goodbuy or Goodbye?

'High five Sir? We usually seal the deal with a handshake.'

"And do you have any OTHER skills you can bring to the post apart from being able to burp the Beatles greatest hits?"

"I was able to negotiate it from a hostile takeover to an uneasy alliance."

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

'In conclusion; our major contract expires tomorrow, we have no idea what we want, and no knowledge of the market, It is time to pass this across to the Procurement Team...'

'Are you thinking what I'm thinking?'