Account Switcher Gifts

TELLER, 'I want to transfer my account to this bank -- you wouldn't believe how uptight my LAST bank was!'

Tell me a deposition, mommy.

'Hey everybody, I've decided to stop doing landscape drawings, and start doing caricatures of my fellow passengers.'

"An actor ... huh, that’s funny, because you look just like a waiter."

Painter removes 'wet paint' sign from park bench and replaces it with a 'dry paint' sign.

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

'Damn, I've forgotten my real name.'

'... and instead of a brain, the wizard gave the scarecrow a smart phone.'

"Well our move was PARTLY global warming and partly because the schools are better down here."

"Just because I switched political parties at an appropriate time?"

'Let's switch sides. My feet are killing me.'

Floating Voters

"I had to switch to tea, coffee was keeping me up all day."

'How would you have played that last ball?'

'Degree in Psychology and a former Referee. I think your qualified to be a School Bus Driver.'

"We're switching from donuts to bagels effective Tuesday. Johnson, you handle the consumer backlash."

Waiter in Waiting Room with Needle

"My birthday is actually in September, but I've always identified as an Aries."

"I shouldn't have taken this job."

"I'm always typecasted for the same role. Can't you find me something else? Like a musical or romantic comedy?"

The Gas Price Race

"Raising the level of interest, soes raise my level of interest."

"I've heard that this account handler is particularly resistant to new ideas."

'There's one possibility, Senator -- if you switch parties, the voters might not recognize you!'

No one visits Cindy's office since she started putting healthy snacks in her candy bowl.

The doctor and the mechanic barter

'Harold's found his inner-child. On the internet he's a sixteen year old cheerleader named 'Minky'.'

"Hey, make sure you don't forget - you're no longer Eddy Wurster from Dover... you're Ben Fishkopp from Bath!"

"I see myself going into some form of public service, like banking."

'Remember, son, in this great land of ours you can grow up to be any gender you want to be.'

"I've been traded to another school for $10 million over 4 years"