Academic Presentation Gifts

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Hmmm ... that's interesting. Now, what about ideas that don't suck - do you have any of those?"

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

"Any questions?"

Lethal Presentation

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

Billy, can you deliver your show 'n tell this time without the fog machine?

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

It would be a painful forty five minutes before Arthur finally admitted he left his presentation at home.

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

A presenter with a very complex chart to explain a business plan - 'And it's as simple as that!'

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

"Any questions?"

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.