Academic Nitpicker Pillows

"When it's that old, you don't need to add 'A.D.' or 'B.C.'"

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

School. I like solving problems with X's and Y's, so I'll probably go into either math or genetics!

"I figure I have about 20 years of school to go."

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

Dr. Darrin found her peer review process unnerving.

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

'In these estimates, I've tried, like always, to err on the side of total lunacy.'

'Medea' Studies

"Summer's coming. How does pre-med camp sound."

Birth of the Perpetual Fundraising Industry.

Cheating Alien

"I can't wait to get home and insult my parents from a position of authority."

"The best thing about winning an academic decathlon...is the new friends you make."

Chad cheats death – and would live on to lead a very stupid life.

K-9 10k

'We're starting a new diet today -- do you want your tofu scrambled or fried?'

"I didn't actually read the book. I listened to it on audio."

"Look! The name is Donder! Not Donner! It's Donder! Got it? Good!"

Wonder vend - Eat me, devour me, chew me...

I love a lazy Sunday. What do we have planned, Dear? Just the usual. Oh yes. What time shall we do it? How about now? Sounds good. I'm ready. One, two, three … You kids get off my lawn! Now let's snuggle. We're not even on your lawn! Quit sassin'!

'I think there's something wrong with our navigational system, because judging by the icebergs, I don't think we're in the Caribbean.'

'Tell me. Did the 253 internships come before or after the Ph.D in English?'

The Food Free Food Aisle

'I'm in a molting period. I'm shedding all my French philosophers.'

Inland Revenue Complaints Dept.

'Are you SURE they're a good source of potassium?'

'I'm majoring in 'Business' with a minor in 'None Of Your Business.''

"Well, if you're sure 7x8 doesn't equal 62, then we'll have to recall 3 million units."

"Believe me, you're not the first guy who tried to impress a date by saying the book was better than the movie not knowing it was never a book."

Royal Wedding Mania