Number Nitpicker Pillows

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

'In these estimates, I've tried, like always, to err on the side of total lunacy.'

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

"When it's that old, you don't need to add 'A.D.' or 'B.C.'"

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Homeless count.

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

Colin didn't really need a pocket-calculator...he already knew how many pockets he had!

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

'I'm balancing the books...you are out'

"It's for weird minds - they're not wired like mine...oh! I'm a poet and didn't know it!"

'Sorry - those figures aren't part of the equation. They're my lottery numbers.'

Couple with confusing pamphlets

I love a lazy Sunday. What do we have planned, Dear? Just the usual. Oh yes. What time shall we do it? How about now? Sounds good. I'm ready. One, two, three … You kids get off my lawn! Now let's snuggle. We're not even on your lawn! Quit sassin'!

'We're starting a new diet today -- do you want your tofu scrambled or fried?'

"Look! The name is Donder! Not Donner! It's Donder! Got it? Good!"

Wonder vend - Eat me, devour me, chew me...

"One, one deduction! Two, two deductions! Three, three deductions! Four deductions ah ah ah!!!!!!"

G.P.S. for Poor Math Students

'I think there's something wrong with our navigational system, because judging by the icebergs, I don't think we're in the Caribbean.'

Accountant counting falling snowflakes.

'I tried to call the math hotline, but predictably, I got the wrong number.'

'I knew insects wouldn't take over the world...numbers will!'

"What's wrong with the computer you've got?"

'It's been a rough quarter, but to improve customer satisfaction we're sending out a pair of these rose-colored glasses with each financial statement.'

'Next on the agenda...we need to discuss the club's inability to attract new members..."

The Food Free Food Aisle

Accounting: Fiction and Non-Fiction.

Inland Revenue Complaints Dept.

'We're showing a profit when we make up the numbers.'

What's a three-letter word for "8"? Hal hasn't figured out Sudoku quite yet.

'Stocks shot up on news that no-one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

'Are you SURE they're a good source of potassium?'