Academic Life Observer Gifts

'They offered a compromise - it's sort of tenure, but I still have have to teach freshman English.'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

"Serendipity is not a strategy."

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Terry had a computer bug.

"It's his emotional support animal."

"Should we put down what we think is right, or what we think you think is right?"

'In general, do the right thing.'

'I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, can do my job, but has no interest in having my job.'

"Life: play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, first love, brief happiness, breakup, regret, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, play, work, play, w

Big Rock University. Guidance Counselor. I'd like to switch my major from hunting to gathering!

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

Life and Death

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

"I've put every one of those vital master copies through here, and it took ages. Where do the copies come out?"

"Remember that requirement that you work without supervision? Forget it."

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

"Mom said mopping up my snow tracks is a good start for my bucket list."

'My salary increase got a few oo-hs.. but no ah-hs..'

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

'If your cell phone has five hundred minutes, and you use one of them during this class, how long will you be in detention?'

"He was much more effective in the field."

'Put simply, we need our website to tell consumers all about our company without really telling them anything about our company,'

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

'Everybody's grades are down, Dad -- I think the school's having some kind of austerity program.'

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

The new boy was teased for being different.