Academic Comedy Lover Gifts

'If it makes you feel any better, I gave the kid you copied from the same grade.'

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding as written and as it would have been written if David Hume had invested in a word processor,

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'

'And in conclusion.'

Peer-reviewed journal publication.

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

Physicists disputing whether the clock moves backwards or forwards according to season change.

'Physical or Social Science?'

'Spelling, math, history, geography --now the stupid school wants me to take a polygraph test!'

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

"Oh my goodness. My lecture on John Donne has just been awarded Most Pizzazzy Metaphysical Lecture of the Year."

Next semester I have "The Frito-lay

Professor McWit, crushed by an avalanche of Philosophy 101 texts, proves again that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

Chaos Theory Conference.

Reviewing a Scientific Paper - Etiquette for References.

'Oh that?... It has nothing to do with the formula; it just makes the whole thing seem less grumpy.'

Digital TV presents "It's true there really is a channel for everyone"

"Although your discovery is very important, the consensus is that your article about it lacked suspense, and was completely devoid of humor."

Man behind stage to lady about professor with person under podium: 'That's Professor Allen's understudy.'

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

"Eureka! The key of H!"

"Sofia, right? You hung out in the back of Professor Dillof’s anatomy lectures."