Academic Artist Gifts

"I saw the wariness in your eyes when you learned that I was plucked from academia to run this company, so I thought I'd allay your concerns by writing this sonnet."

A Puppet Named Juan

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

They hated me.

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

You're my Mona Lisa.

Larry's used art

Copycats

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

Albania and North Macedonia: entrance denied

'Dr.Sall Thompson got so excited over the new spring design she took a quantum leap!'

'C'mon get it straight.'

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

'What would your mum say if she saw you drawing all over the wall like that?'

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Madonna of the Pukes.

It's a Whole Field of Paisley!

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

Typical Brain Versus Einstein's Brain

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

Can You Spot the Differences?

The Artist

"Guess who brought king cake!"

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"