Absurdist Scene Appreciator Gifts

"I attract all the crypts."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

"Look! No hands!"

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

Barcode Dreams

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

"And once you've achieved your 25% improvement in client satisfaction surveys, we need you to solve the problem of global warming,third world poverty and cold toast."

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

"And the Hungriest Black Hole there ever was ate everything in the entire universe and lived happily ever after."

"Head for the carrousel! It's our only chance!"

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

"Could you tilt the Earth just a bit more away from the light?"

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

The missiles had failed...so it was down to Frank...and plan B.

"From this you make a living?"

"Leonard! Throw me the car keys!"

Golf Hole at bottom of lake.

"What if the cat stuck in the tree has a gun? Is that an emergency?"

'That will be 100 hours of community service in some other community.'

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

"We don't have a cloaking device for our ship, but we've made it look like a banner ad. They won't see us."

'My axe is all dull! -- Have you been using it to shave your legs again?'

"This is never going to work—you're a tree!"