Zen Whisperer Gifts

ZEN AND THE ART OF PROCRASTINATION

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

Get out of the way, Harold - I'm trying to talk to Cuddles.

I used to love coming here. Nudist beach.

Science Dept...Entomology: 'Too bad humans don't spend their teen years in pupa like insects.'

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

Woman applying makeup

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

A boy and his spin patrol.

'Astronomy I, Astronomy II, Astronomy III'

''Normal' seems too much to shoot for ... but maybe I can keep you out of the nuthouse.'

"The sellers recommended that I burn some sage during the tour."

"I'm the ghost of Christmas Tree Future, and honestly, it doesn't turn out well for you."

"You'll be able to talk to your husband. I have video conferencing."

Judge getting hair done.

"Why am I irate? A: You turn my eggs into omelets each morning. B: Not once have you offered me even a nibble."

'...and where did you bury the bone?'

'U. . .S. .U. .C. .K. . . . L. . O. . L.'

A new opera-glass for the year 1777

"...went to sleep. And then Mr. Donkey became very quiet and drowsy and he went to sleep. And then Miss Mouse became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then Mrs. Bear became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then..."

"Oh come now, darling. When I was your age, I felt different, too."

"Since both of us believe in reincarnation, what if I pay you all the money I owe you in the next life?"

"Blimey, he's not the sharpest tool in the box, is he?"

'If another barman cracks the joke about not serving spirits, I'm leaving ...'

'It's my job to be nosy!'

'He's not there at the moment so please leave a message.'

"Yes, we now have smart mirrors that can read your mood."

Waiting for the 5 o'clock hooter.

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

"I wouldn't worry, at his age grunting to communicate is quite normal."

'Yes, puberty did put me through a lot of stress. . . but it was my daughters puberty.'

'Adolescents act like babies when they aren't treated like adults!'

"Before we make contact with the departed, be aware that all communications will be recorded and maybe used for training purposes."