Youthfulness Crusader Gifts

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

Caged Businessman

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

"Botox."

"What I miss during school holidays is not going out on strike every Friday."

'Doctor, how can I prevent wrinkles? Don't sleep in your clothes.'

"Times were hard for old Sid....He had to get a part-time job!"

You're only young once but apparently there's no limit on childish. (Published originally on January 15, 2008.)

"How can you say my hat is on back to front when you don't know which way I'm going to go?"

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

The Glass Floor

'You're too young...to have good 'ol days.'

'My problem is that I'm number one in my field and I have no place to go but down.'

'I'm guessing it'll have to be by text.'

"I've lost my youth."

"I'm class president. I need a really big airplane."

'She hates me when I'm drunk and I hate her when I'm sober!'

Courting The Youth Vote

'Shaving takes years off you.'

'...something that will make my wife look slim and twenty years younger...'

'Don't try and act cool by saying it's the blood of the undead, we both know it's acne.'

'I need a botox job.'

"I can't make you look younger, but I can make you look like you've had a lot of expensive plastic surgery."

'He used to live in the fast lane, it's more like a blind alley now.'

'Slipsbac, lets talk about your future here.'

"That reminds me, Hon. Your Botox shipment arrived yesterday."

Although gravity had taken its toll Connie, she had devised a way to look youthful...

Love.

"You can grow old gracefully. I'm fighting it every inch of the way!"

'How do you do it? You don't look a day over 3G!'