Youth Pastor Pillows

"The hardest thing about being a youth pastor is keeping my sermons to 140 characters or less."

'Jake - how long have you been our youth pastor?'

'Nobody ever said that being a youth pastor would be EASY.'

'Why can't I deduct my trip to Youngstown? I'm a youth pastor.'

The youth pastor and worship leader compete for the skinniest jeans award.

'He's maturing early.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

"Remember, kids, it's not winning that matters, it's getting a clean urine sample that's important."

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

Alice in Wonderland - six impossible things before breakfast

"And the way you kids kick ass today will speak volumes about the leaders of tomorrow you will be."

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

Regardless children just want to fit in.

Mentoring Unit: 'Go on! You can do it! You can be a mentor!'

"Okay, I guess....first we had a lockdown drill, then we had an active shooter drill. Following that we had a fire drill. After that we got to meet out security guards. Then we watched a video on avoiding sexual predators...."

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

Teens.

'What does the Scout manual say about this situation?'

When a teen finds out his parents are volunteering in the youth group.

'Apart from illiteracy, low self esteem, homelessness, poverty and a broken home. I can't find any reason for his offending behaviour!'

'Can you prove it's your hat?'

'Not right now, Timmy. First we're going to work on fielding ground balls. Maybe later we can discuss collective bargaining.'

Criminal Youths Need Help Instead of Punishment!

Respect Zone: 'We respect yobs.'

'Well if sixty is the new fifty and forty is the new thirty then yes,twenty must be the new ten...'

"The trouble with children is they don't act like adults."

"I'm class president. I need a really big airplane."

"Does God have his own Web site so I could e-mail my prayers to him?"

Little League Registration: "Um, I think we're gonna need to see your birth certificate again, son. . ."

'Aim for those kids that were laughing at us on our way up!'

'In the off-season I generally do some hunting and fishing, help out in my father's auto showroom, have knee surgery, and work out in my hometown youth center.'

The second coming struggles to retain interest in the 21st century.

"That cross is not divine. It's a symbol of how out of control things can get when a teenager lies about how she got pregnant."

'I shouldn't worry - soon he'll meet someone who'll give him a good hiding and then he'll get the message. . .'

'We're not called young offenders social workers any more. I'm a scum whisperer.'