Youth Herder T-Shirts

"Made it!"

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Well, I'll miss him, but all his friends are backpacking Europe to herd sheep this summer, too."

"Remember, you're only as old as your peel."

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

Nerdy man wagging his finger.

'How are you at thinking outside the flocks?'

"This is Mr. Harrington, our mortgage nerd."

'The first day on the job was not going well for Al...'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

Wally's dye job...makes his hair look 25 years younger.

Education Guidance

Dr. and Mrs. Steven Mueller.

"Can you give me something that will send me back to 1969?"

Have you heard that time is not a constant, Randy? Of course, little buddy It's called "time dilation." Time moves slower for objects in motion than it does for objects that sit still. I'm a prime example. I haven't aged a day in decades. I still have rippling muscles, a smooth pelt, glistening teeth, twinkling eyes, a raging libido, and the boundless confidence of youth ... all because I'm always on the move. I'm writing a study on it for the Journal of Temporal Hotness. I've been meaning to as

'...OK so you've got the herd mentality... now go out tere and be a herd... now move!'

'Aside from a crazed sheep now and then, this is a very risk-free profession.'

"I want someone I can grow old and have plastic surgery with."

The young Shepherd was determined to show the flock who was the boss!

'This one's for clearing my browser history. This one's for emptying my cache. This one's...'

Mind them while I go shopping and I'll give you 50 bucks extra!

"I don't care what the job pays. . . I'm never herding cats again!"

Shepherd buying a shepherd's pie.

'Plastic bags, dogs, dogs behind gates, strange smells, pigs, strange noises...heck! It would be quicker to tell you what doesn't spook me!'

"I can check again, but I'm pretty sure no one has handed in your lost youth."

'You're too young...to have good 'ol days.'

"He's socially awkward but brilliant in his field."

'I was going to hunt for them. Then I thought hey - why not just clone new ones!'

'It says, the higher a man's I.Q., the longer he's a virgin... well, bud... here's your Nobel Prize nomination!'

"Your resume says you specialize in field work."

'Take ten years off the top.'

Oh yeah, that's right. Now everyone wants to know the radiator cow.

"Damn, she's good."

"God, I hate cows."